Unrequited
I haven’t written everyday like I promised myself. But something came up today that I felt compelled to write.
Reconnecting with someone I admired and felt things for reminded me of a feeling almost forgotten. “I like her so much” is not a phrase that can convey such a tenderness in my chest that runs so deeply to my bones. Oh how blessed I am to feel the way I do for another. But there is sorrow too. Sorrow to know that this adoration is unrequited.
I made a mistake. The girl says all she’ll ever be is a “lesson learned” to one. I couldn’t fathom how such a person as she could ever have a belief like this. And I sat there contemplating the ways in which she’s wrong. My lack of humility, temper, control is what ruined things. And she says “through her”. No, I did not learn because of her, I learned because of the consequences of such a gravely mistake I made. I wish nothing more for her not to be a “lesson learned” but for her to be someone closer. For that is too distant of a description. I wish for her to be someone so endearingly close to me that I could feel her warmth. To be so vulnerable we could almost touch each other’s souls. There could be no other phrase, word, name, expression that a man could envision of than maybe just one.
This affection that runs deeply, this adoration that wants to make you give. Not similar to friends where you feel the joy to give what you have. No, to accrue more than just myself to this person for I am not enough. To wake up, day by day, better than the last so I have just a smidge more to give to someone so deserving. The world, in its vast glory, cannot contain enough for such a beautiful person. Perhaps there is a word to express such a fondness.
Perhaps the word is “love”.