a date
this one is gonna be a lil different. just some thoughts i've been having. i'm gonna be writing a lot more since i'm stranded once again. anyway, i really just wanna go on a date. some novelty would be nice. i think dates as a guy are so fun. you have company and it's like a reaffirming activity for yourself that you'll be a good boyfriend. sometimes i like the pressure to perform, the want to please really. truly a gratifying feeling. obviously, i don't want to feel that way forever, just occasionally.
i told my therapist like 5 - 6 times during our last session that i don't believe in casual stuff. that i'm the "casual police" lol. she ended up getting annoyed a bit, i could tell. but i realize i haven't ever been on an actual date with someone i wasn't... dating? does that make sense? i've only been on dates with people i was already with. i guess that's what happens when you exclusively talk to people online, and even talking to people online that you know irl. just always have been afraid of having a first time date be considered casual. i don't wanna do anything casually, i wanna do them with intention. but i guess dates don't have to be super casual or super serious. they can just be... dates. to see if you like them and want to be their boyfriend. or even their husband.
i'd like a date. especially one with someone i'm already comfortable with. someone i can just be a lil silly with. i think that'd be nice to treat someone well. perhaps i'll go on hinge or something and ask to go on a date.